


Secrets Never Spoken

by OneforSorrowTwoforMirth



Series: redemption lies plainly in truth [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: (what else is new), Anakin and Padme are painfully obvious, Attachment Issues, Childhood Trauma, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gen, Minor Anidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi is Trying, Obi-Wan gets Anakin out of trouble, Obi-Wan is trying really hard not to notice, One Shot, Parenting Teenagers is Hard, The Force, anniversary of Shmi Skywalker's death, dealing with childhood trauma, the council continues to be useless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29386203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneforSorrowTwoforMirth/pseuds/OneforSorrowTwoforMirth
Summary: Secrets have their place,Obi-Wan thought as he watched Anakin run his hand over the water,but I pray you will be wise enough that whatever secrets you keep do not become a wall between us.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: redemption lies plainly in truth [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2158743
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	Secrets Never Spoken

**Author's Note:**

> So the first installment in this series was supposed to be a one time thing, but I thought it would be interesting to explore how Anakin's attachment issues would surface in young adulthood.  
> Aaaanyway enjoy Obi-Wan trying to parent a teenager who has no impulse control!

His padawan was gone. Again. 

They’d only been back to the temple for two days and already Anakin was off disappearing. Obi-Wan wondered what half baked excuse the boy would have this time, or if he’d even bother giving one. Though, at twenty years old, _boy_ was really the wrong word for Anakin now. 

Obi-Wan sat down on his bed and slowly took off his boots. He glanced toward the bathroom, wondering if he had the energy to shower or if he was just going to fall asleep in his robes. The 212th and the 501st were back to give reports about their latest joint operation. While the report could have easily been made via hologram, Obi-Wan was grateful that they were being given some respite, even if it meant he had to go to meetings that dragged on until late at night. He was starting to understand why Qui-gon had never wanted to be on the Council. 

But so long as he could get Anakin off the karking battlefield, at least for a little, it was worth it. They’d been on active campaign for four straight weeks, and Obi-Wan could count on one hand the number of hours they hadn’t heard gunfire. Much too long for anyone, even a Jedi. It was a long time since he’d had to contend with his apprentice slipping away at night, but his first instinct was to immediately go looking. He restrained himself, trying to remind himself that Anakin was a young man now and if he was going to sneak off at night that was his problem. Maybe Anakin was having as much trouble sleeping as Obi-Wan was. Maybe he’d just gone out for some air. 

Still, part of him wanted to stay up until Anakin returned. He could feel that Anakin had suppressed their bond, so whatever he was up to, he didn’t want Obi-Wan to know. Again, he could respect that. But still he worried. 

His comlink flashed an incoming transmission. He answered it out of sheer instinct.

“Hello?” Force, he sounded terrible. 

“General Kenobi?” 

The voice made him sit up. “Rex?” 

“Yes, sir. Sorry to disturb you.” 

“Is everything alright?” 

“Uhh...not exactly. You see, General Skywalker -” 

“Already?” Obi-Wan interrupted.

“Sir?”

“Nevermind, continue.” 

“General Skywalker went out with a few of the men and...got into a bit of trouble. He-”

“No need to explain. I understand. Where is he?” 

“I’ll send you the location, sir,” the clone said. “What should I do-” 

“Nothing. I’ll handle this one, thank you Rex.” 

“Yes, sir. Goodnight, sir.” 

The location Rex sent took him to a rather seedy sector of Coruscant. It was all nightclubs, bars, and other such establishments, every surface covered in a thick layer of grime. It was one of those places usually deserted in the day while everyone slept off their hangovers, but swarming by night with mostly unsavory characters. He sincerely wished he’d let Rex take a turn at getting Anakin out of trouble, but the captain had done his fair share of that these past few weeks. 

Obi-Wan glanced at his com again. This seemed the right place. A dischordent tug in a familiar Force presence a moment later confirmed it. He stepped closer to the seedy storefront. 

The windows were tinted and the sign was only half lit. A large man stood just to the right of the door, arms crossed and glowering at passersby. Obi-Wan moved toward the door and he moved to block him. 

“Pardon me,” Obi-Wan said. 

“No,” the man said gruffly. 

Moving his hand just slightly, Obi-Wan said, “You will let me pass.” The man’s mind was even more pliable than expected and he made no effort whatsoever to resist. He stepped aside. “Thank you,” Obi-Wan said. 

The smell of the place hit him first. The heavy, sweet-smelling clouds of spice hovering above every dimly lit table mixed with cheap alcohol. Over the din of languages and laughter, he could hear the clink of dice rolling. 

_A gambling den?_

He felt Anakin’s presence a second before he spotted him.

Spotted him being dragged toward a back door, hand-cuffed, half conscious, by several dubious looking people, one of whom was holding his lightsaber. 

_Of course._

Obi-Wan cut them off at the door, hand resting lightly on his own saber. 

“Good evening.” 

The woman holding Anakin by the back of his robes glanced at him. “Move. Or you’ll get the same.” 

“I’m afraid I can’t let you take him,” Obi-Wan said.

“So you can pay his debts, I assume?” 

“Debts?” 

“Yeah. This scum owes us.” She gave Anakin a kick in the ribs.

Obi-Wan could tell it was going to be hard to avoid causing a scene. “How much?” 

“Fifteen thousand.” 

“Absurd.” 

She crossed her arms. “You pay, or we’ll teach him a lesson.” 

“Absolutely not.” 

“You may be used to getting your way, Jedi, but not here. We know you’re bound to certain rules. We are not. It would be a shame if something happened to either of you.” 

“I will gladly pay his debts,” Obi-Wan said carefully, “But I have a very hard time believing that you are giving me the honest price.” 

She didn’t waver. “You have one minute to make up your mind.” 

“You will -” 

“Try that little trick on me and I’ll remove both your hands,” the woman snapped. 

Instinctively, Obi-Wan prepared to fight. There were four of them. More might join in, but these four looked to be the most dangerous in the place. He put a hand on his lightsaber. 

_Get a hold of yourself, Kenobi. You aren’t on a battlefield, you can’t blast your way out of here with no consequences._

He could probably succeed in getting himself and Anakin out without killing anyone. However, they were in the seat of the Republic now, not a worn-torn Outer Rim system and he couldn’t take such risks. 

“Very well. Shall we talk business?” 

By the time Obi-Wan had arranged the credit transfer, Anakin was waking up. Obi-Wan pulled him none too gently to his feet and steered him out of the den. He could feel through their bond that Anakin was still very dazed, but by the time they got into a speeder taxi, he was feeling a sharp edge of shame. 

Obi-Wan didn’t say a word until they got back to the apartment. 

“Sit,” he said curtly. Anakin’s head must’ve hurt too much to protest and he dropped into a chair in the kitchen. Obi-Wan turned on the light to get a better look at his face. Anakin had a bruise forming on his jaw and cut on his temple, but he didn’t appear to have a concussion. Obi-Wan also noticed a few of his knuckles were bleeding. 

He sat in the chair opposite Anakin and crossed his arms, waiting. Anakin couldn’t look at him. 

“I…”

“What were you thinking?” Obi-Wan snapped. 

“Not much,” he said miserably.

“Obviously.” 

“I’m sorry! I was with Fives and Echo, we were just having a few drinks and then I suggested we go somewhere else and we ended up there and…” 

“I’d say it takes more than a _few_ drinks to rack up gambling debts of fifteen thousand credits. Where are Fives and Echo?”

“I told them...I told them to get Rex once I realized I was in trouble.”

“What was Rex going to do?” Obi-Wan said.

“I don’t know.” 

“Anakin, you have too much responsibility to allow something like this to happen.”

“I know,” he replied tonelessly.

“And since when have you ever gone to gambling dens?” 

He just shrugged. Obi-Wan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“And now I have to explain to the Council why the temple has fifteen thousand fewer credits than it did yesterday.”

“I’ll explain to the Council,” Anakin said. Obi-Wan squinted at his former apprentice. It was always so hard to tell when the boy was being sincere about things like this, or when he was trying to guilt trip.

“No,” he said finally, resigned. “I’ll give the Council an excuse about the money.” Their bond trembled as Anakin tried to express his gratitude, but Obi-Wan didn’t want to hear it. 

“ Get some sleep,” he told him. “We’ll say no more about it.” 

Anakin met his eye and for a moment looked disappointed. Then, abruptly, he bid Obi-Wan goodnight. He went to his room and closed the door. Obi-Wan heard him bump into something a second later. 

That closet of a room was really too small for him. Ideally, Anakin would have his own quarters, now that he was a knight. But these days, Jedi housing was rather low on the list of priorities. It wasn’t like they spent much time at the temple anyway, they mostly lived on the Resolute. 

Obi-Wan felt his weariness return, but unfortunately felt no closer to sleep. He waited until he knew Anakin was asleep before he went to his own bed. 

The temple was still. No hum of engines, echoing footsteps of clones, the chill from space travel that no one could ever quite shake. Obi-Wan wasn’t sure he liked it. He used to enjoy solitude. He remembered, before the war, savoring the few hours he got when he was between his duties on the Council and training Anakin. But now if he went for more than an hour without giving orders, contemplating a next move, or holding a weapon, he grew restless. It felt _wrong_ to rest. It felt wrong even to sleep. 

He lay down and stared at the ceiling, acutely aware of every passing minute where he continued to be conscious. 

_I take my eyes off him for one minute and this happens,_ he thought, feeling himself drift. _He’s too old for this._ **_I’m_ ** _too old for this..._

True to his word, Obi-Wan did not bring up the previous night. He handed Anakin a glass of water when he stumbled into the kitchen with an obvious hangover, still smelling faintly of cheap liquor and spice smoke. 

“I’m off to make my report to the Council,” he said. “Do _not_ leave until I come back.” 

Obi-Wan managed to convince the Council that there had been an emergency reactor leak in the Resolute’s hyperdrive, although he was pretty sure Master Yoda saw through that ruse. He didn’t call Obi-Wan out on it, but his punishment came three days later in the form of an invitation to a senate function. An invite to these kinds of events was usually extended to the Jedi temple, and the Council selected two or three Jedi to go. There were very few who actually enjoyed it. 

“Call this time off,” Anakin scoffed as he adjusted his robe.

Obi-Wan bit off a retort that it was Anakin’s fault they had to go in the first place. “Yes, I couldn’t agree more,” he said, combing his hair.“Though perhaps not a complete waste of time. I hear Senator Amidala will be there.” 

He’d intended it as a lighthearted joke, but the Force around Anakin suddenly became taut like a string. There was an edge, sharper than embarrassment, in his reply. 

“So?”

“So...nothing. It was an attempt at teasing you.” 

“What for?” 

“Never mind,” Obi-Wan sighed. “Just get yourself cleaned up.”

The invitation had been phrased as a “casual gathering” but they found themselves in a ballroom with well over a hundred people. 

“I thought they said this was for the Chancellor’s friends and allies,” Anakin said in an undertone. “But there’s far too many people for that to be true.” Obi-Wan chuckled. 

A few people greeted them, and they bowed back. 

“Now what do we do?” Anakin asked as they moved through the room. 

“Well, I believe we were sent as “a gesture of good faith” or something. Which I assume means we just wander around and act like what they think a Jedi is.” 

Anakin snorted. “If they wanted a good representation of what a Jedi is, why’d they send us?” 

“Haven’t the faintest idea. Now go charm some senators.” 

“You got it.” 

Obi-Wan went to get himself a drink. He had no sooner picked up a glass when he heard,

“Ah, Obi-Wan Kenobi.” 

He looked up to see a member of the Mandalorian delegation approaching. 

“Good evening, Senator Merrik.” 

“It is good to see you. I hear you are back from a campaign. I trust it was successful?” 

He said it so casually. As if Obi-Wan were back from a particularly exciting vacation. Obi-Wan forced a smile. 

“The quiet is a nice change.” 

“To be sure.” 

The agonizing small talk went for a few more minutes before the senator moved on. It took Obi-Wan a moment to realize that if a delegation from Mandalore was here then maybe...he scanned the crowd, hoping to see - 

Anakin was in a corner of the room talking to Senator Amidala. Anakin very discreetly put a hand on the senator’s and they spoke quietly for a few moments before she pulled it away. She cast a look around, as if making sure no one had seen. 

_When I said charm some senators, that is_ **_not_ ** _what I meant._

Anakin said something to her in an undertone, catching her attention again. Their body language spoke loud enough Obi-Wan wondered the whole room didn’t notice. He decided it was time to step in. 

Approaching them he said, “Good evening, Senator Amidala.” 

“Oh, good evening Master Obi-Wan.” 

“I trust you weren’t distracting the senator from the delegation with tales of your recklessness from the latest campaign?” he said to Anakin. Only because he knew Anakin so well was he able to detect the traces of embarrassment that flitted across his face. 

“Anakin was telling me that you are here for a few weeks. Recovering from your campaign.” 

“Yes, well, thankfully I can report that neither myself nor Anakin were injured in this latest campaign.” 

“That is good. I hope you will be able to rest.” 

Obi-Wan was reminded why he liked Senator Amidala. She had a perfect mask of poise and grace, which protected her better than any weapon. She understood the differences between what people said and what they meant. She was exacting and careful, sometimes downright manipulative. Many politicians kept their guards up and masks on for so long that they lost themselves behind it. Yet Padme knew when it was safe enough to drop the mask and offer genuine kindness.

“I hope so too. Anakin,” he said, slightly apologetic. “I need you for a moment.”

They made their rounds among the crowd. Many heads turned their way as they passed. Anakin was becoming something of a celebrity among the Chancellor’s inner circle, particularly with young ladies. 

_Great. Just what he needed, another boost to his ego._

Everything about the place made him uneasy. What with all the elegance and expense in the room, he could almost forget that until a few days ago he’d been ankle deep in mud, wondering how many empty places would be in the barracks by the time night fell. 

People who stopped to talk to him kept inquiring about how the war was going, if they were _winning._

As if wars were something anyone won. 

Anakin must’ve felt his annoyance because every so often he would receive a very clear feeling of both amusement and sympathy. 

Anakin kept trying to slip away, and finally Obi-Wan gave up and told his former apprentice he was leaving. 

“You would do well to follow soon,” he added to Anakin in an undertone. But the boy’s thoughts were already far away. By the time Obi-Wan got to the door, Anakin was already back in deep conversation with Senator Amidala.

_Something needs to be done…_

And that would probably fall to him. 

He’d thought this was a boyish crush, and it probably was, but Anakin was...intense about his attachments. With Anakin, an innocent crush would easily become an obsession. 

_I can’t deal with this right now._

He took the long way back to the temple. He contemplated dropping in on the 212th’s barracks, just to see how they were doing, but decided against it. He wouldn’t be able to go there for more than a few minutes before his anxious urge to plan and _do_ would make him a nuisance. Besides, the men could use some time without their CO hovering. 

He was halfway to Dex’s before he realized he didn’t really want to go there either. He didn’t want anyone he knew to see him right now. He wanted a drink, a real one, not one of those concoctions at the senate function. 

No, what he actually wanted was a good night’s sleep. 

_Yeah right._

There was no point in continuing to wander the streets. He turned back to the temple. 

To his surprise, Anakin was in the apartment when he got back, sitting with his feet on the table.

_Great. Now I have to say something._

Anakin seemed to sense his line of thought because he said, “I’d ask this lecture stay between fifteen and twenty minutes, I’m very tired.” 

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said with a sigh. 

“I know, I know.” 

“No, I don’t think you do.” He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms.

Anakin laughed. “Relax, old man.”

Obi-Wan caught a whiff of something. “You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?” 

“It was a party. What did you expect?” 

_Apparently not even a hangover can get a lesson to stick._ “You have duties you are sworn to that you cannot afford to be distracted from.” 

Anakin rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. The Force was...dischordent. He knew the look in his former apprentice’s eyes well. He was itching for a fight. It seemed to Obi-Wan that Anakin was ready at all times and in all places to throw himself at conflict, for reasons even he couldn’t explain. 

The alcohol wasn’t helping matters. Ordinarily, Obi-Wan was a fair match. He could keep himself in logical order, but tonight both their emotions were running too high.

“Do you have a point?” Anakin said.

“I don’t need to spell it out for you, Anakin. You know why your behavior tonight was unacceptable. On previous occasions where you have expressed too much interest in Senator Amidala, I was willing to let it slide because of your age and relative discretion but this...you’re too old for this. You have too much responsibility for this. You command troops, you have a padawan of your own. The Jedi Order is under intense scrutiny as a leading force for the Republic army. We cannot afford to have one of our generals so openly flouting our code.” 

“You are _just_ like the rest of the Council, you are only calling me on this because it makes the Order look bad,” he sneered.

“We’re not doing this again, I can’t deal with this right now. We’ll discuss this in the morning.” _When you’re sober._

“Oh, _you_ can’t deal with it. Well, forgive me for asking you to try. You don’t give a damn about me.” 

Obi-Wan tried to keep his voice even. “Anakin, that isn’t true.” 

He took his feet off the table and leaned forward. “Prove me wrong.” 

“You want _proof_? I just paid fifteen thousand credits to cover for you and lied to the Council’s face about it!”

“So?” Anakin shouted. 

“So? What else do you want me to say, Anakin?” 

“You don’t own me!” His demeanor had completely changed. The haughty arrogance was gone, replaced with a sudden tense fervor. His eyes darted around the room, as if looking for an escape. 

“I never said I did,” Obi-Wan said carefully.

“Then why are you bringing up the money?” He snapped, standing up from the table, hand resting on his lightsaber.

Obi-Wan was at a loss for words. “This is why I said we would discuss this later. You are too drunk and I am altogether too tired to have any productive conversation.” 

“ _I hate you_.” 

He didn’t scream it, like he had as a child. He didn’t need to. Their bond was throbbing like a bleeding wound as Anakin’s anger leaked from him. This was a different kind of anger than his hotheaded tantrums. It was cold. Harsh. And it hurt far more than any tantrum Obi-Wan had ever witnessed. 

He tried to step between Anakin and the door as he stormed past, but Anakin caught him in the chest with his mechanical hand and shoved him back. 

Obi-Wan lurched into the counter and watched him go, bewildered. 

_What...what was that?_

He passed a hand over his face. He had neither the physical or mental energy to figure out what had set Anakin off this time. His behavior hadn’t been this erratic in a while...

_Examine the information you have._

It was a strategy that had served him well with Anakin in the past. The boy had gone from defiant and moody to downright paranoid the moment the money factored into the situation. Now that he thought about it, Anakin was always strange about money. He never really asked for any, they didn’t need it for everyday things as Jedi, and his slave upbringing had doubtless warped his perception of how money worked. 

Yet, whenever it came to a situation that even slightly resembled a monetary exchange for a person - like a ransom - Anakin was always on edge.

Obi-Wan sighed. _Stupid. That should’ve been obvious._

He remembered Anakin, age eleven or twelve, telling him about the public whippings the Hutts gave men who couldn’t pay their debts, or whole families who were sold as collateral to repay debtors. 

But in some ways, that made the last few days even more confusing. Why had Anakin gone to a gambling den in the first place? 

_I don’t know why I even try to make sense of his behavior anymore…_

Anakin would likely come back in a few hours, and they could try this conversation again tomorrow. He should go to bed. But he couldn’t. Instead he sat at the table, watching the time on his datapad, waiting. Finally, after an hour, he roused himself. 

He knew he probably shouldn’t go after him. 

He knew he would anyway. 

  
  


Obi-Wan was halfway to the temple entrance, when he felt the familiar presence of his former apprentice, accompanied by another presence. He heard their half hushed voices coming from the hallway. Obi-Wan could see them from the other end.

“Shhh, Ani,” said Padme. “I don’t think I’m supposed to be here.” She was half supporting him; their hands were intertwined. 

“Who cares?” he said, his speech a bit slurred. “Temple’s empty these days anyway. Come on, I’ll show you the courtyard, it’s pretty, even at night.”

“No,” she said, trying to extricate her fingers from his. 

“Why not? Who’s gonna see us?” 

“Keep your voice down.”

Steeling himself, Obi-Wan emerged from the shadows. “And what are the two of you doing here?” 

Padme had the good grace to look abashed. Anakin just gave him a smirk. 

“Just an evening walk, master,” he said lazily. 

“I apologize,” Padme said. “I wouldn’t have come but I was a little worried about Anakin getting home. He came back to the party, you see.” 

Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin. The boy looked in even worse shape than before. 

“Thank you. I hope you got him out of there before he made too big a fool of himself?” 

“I tried.” 

“Hey,” Anakin said thickly, “I’m right here.” 

“Thank you, senator,” Obi-Wan repeated. “I’ll see you out.” 

“No, no, I can do that,” Anakin said. “I brought her here, my fault.” 

“At the moment, I’m not sure you can walk in a straight line long enough to see her out. Go back to the apartment.” 

Anakin looked ready to argue, but in his peripheral vision Obi-Wan saw Padme shake her head. Anakin slumped slightly, and offered no further argument. 

Obi-Wan offered Padme his arm, and she took it. “I’m very sorry about that,” he said again. 

“Don’t be.”

“I trust he didn’t embarrass you too badly?”

“He was a little loud, is all. There were plenty of other people behaving worse, I don’t think anyone noticed.” 

“That may be true, but Anakin is a Jedi and a general. The public image of both is becoming...unpopular.” He paused for a moment as they came to a new corridor, making sure no one was there. 

“Will you really be in trouble if I’m found here?” Padme asked. 

“Well, my track record lately hasn’t put me on the Council’s good side, shall we say.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I had to explain where an unauthorized fifteen thousand credits went a few days ago.” 

Padme’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “What happened?” 

“I…” Why was he telling her this? She had enough cares of her own. 

“What is bothering you, Obi-Wan?” she asked. 

“It’s Anakin,” he finally said. “His behavior the last few days has been...troubling. He has his ways of coping, we all do. He’s reckless, enjoys causing chaos. But he’s never been one for drinking or gambling. I always thought he saw himself as being above such vices.”

Padme looked concerned. “Gambling? But Anakin hates gambling. He’s told me several times it ought to be illegal on Coruscant. He said that he’s seen too many people’s lives ruined by dice and cards.” 

“I know. I can’t explain it. He’s been shrouding his presence from me as best he can. I don’t know why. It feels like it did in the early days, before we’d established a bond. When he didn’t trust me.” He wanted to stop rambling, he wasn’t supposed to discuss Jedi business with non-Jedi, least of all a senator.

“I know he has secrets from me. And I don’t mind. We all need secrets of our own. But this feels different.” Obi-Wan sighed deeply. 

Padme looked like she was considering something, then without looking at him said, “Obi-Wan...when did this happen?” 

“Three days ago, I think?” 

“I see.” 

“What?” 

“Three days ago...do you remember what three days ago was?” 

“It -” and then the awful realization hit him. 

_It’s been a year._

Obi-Wan and Anakin had never spoken about what happened on Tatooine. 

Padme had told him after Geonosis, how Shmi Skywalker had died in her son’s arms. She’d been very vague with the details, but Obi-Wan knew his apprentice enough to surmise what had happened to the Tuskens who’d taken her. 

At first, he waited for Anakin to talk about it. They talked about everything. Surely something like this...but time had gone on. The war had begun in earnest. And still Anakin said nothing. 

Then Obi-Wan had a nagging feeling that perhaps something like this, he should be the first one to talk. Afterall, he was older, more emotionally mature. Perhaps that would be better. 

But guilt held his tongue. The guilt that he’d never pursued Shmi Skywalker’s release hung over him and he couldn’t bear to look Anakin in the eye. It almost seemed like Anakin was daring him to say something, daring him to damn himself for what he’d failed to do. Obi-Wan knew there would always be a small part of Anakin that would blame him, would hold him accountable for his mother’s death. And Obi-Wan knew he deserved that blame; he knew it was something he could never quite repay or make up for. So the silence between them had stretched. 

And still, a year later, neither would not speak of it and instead Anakin indulged in the vices of Tatooine that had so often seen him and his mother cruelly treated. 

_You let him spiral into this self destruction, all because you are too afraid of your own failure._

They continued to walk in silence until they neared the exit. Padme’s speeder was waiting for her. 

“It isn’t your fault, Obi-Wan,” Padme said. 

_I wish that were true._

“Thank you again for bringing him back.” 

“It was nothing. Goodnight.”

Anakin hadn’t gone back to the apartment. Obi-Wan found him in the courtyard. He wasn’t making an effort to hide, he was sitting at the edge of the reflecting pool, watching the tree’s scant flowers float in the wind. Obi-Wan sat beside him. 

Regret pulsed from both ends of their bond. They sat in the feeling for several minutes.

“What happened?” Obi-Wan said out loud. “It used to be…” The trust had been so seamless. So effortless. So strong. There were secrets between them, to be sure. Trust did not mean complete transparency. It was a promise that their privacy, their secrets would not compromise the other. But there were things between them now, unsaid truths that they couldn’t - or wouldn’t discuss. 

“I don’t know.” 

Gently, Obi-Wan pushed at Anakin’s shields. Urging him to share. To rid himself of the many burdens this past year had piled on him. But he felt the strong refusal. It wasn’t laced with blame, simply a grim understanding that sometimes it was truly too late and some things would never be said. 

Often, Anakin’s refusal to talk about something was actually an invitation to press the matter, that he _did_ want to talk about it but didn’t feel he could initiate it. But when there was something he truly didn’t want to talk about, no amount of prying would get him to reveal it. Obi-Wan knew him well enough to know the difference. 

Finally, Anakin said, “I’m sorry about the money. I’m sorry I put you in that position.”

“Oh, Anakin. I don’t care about the kriffing credits. I don’t even care that I had to lie to the Council.” He struggled to find more words. “I _do_ care about you.”

“I know you do, Obi-Wan.” 

“But sometimes you aren’t sure,” Obi-Wan filled in. 

“Well...yes,” Anakin admitted. 

“Then I’m sorry for that. Anakin, I _am_ proud of you. I worry about you, not because I think you’re not good enough, but because I’m afraid you’re a little too good. You care deeply, I don’t want to discourage you from caring...but sometimes you care far too much. Some day you’re going to put yourself in a situation that no amount of credits can buy you out of. And that worries me.” 

“You worry too much, old man.” 

“I know. But allow me that much, at least.” 

They sat in silence, watching the petals float into the pool. Obi-Wan remembered when Anakin had first come to the temple. He’d never seen that much water in one place. He’d spent any free time he’d been allowed at the edge of the pool, staring at the water, occasionally daring to touch it, glancing around as if expecting to be told no. Obi-Wan smiled at the memory.

_How far we have come..._

“Are you going to lecture me about bringing a senator into the temple now?” Anakin asked after a few minutes. 

“I’ll save that for another time, I think.”

“I’ll...I’ll learn to master my feelings. I promise. I’ll be discreet, leave it alone.” 

“Good. I trust you.” 

And he did. But he knew the only person he was fooling with this request was himself. 

_Secrets have their place,_ Obi-Wan thought as he watched Anakin run his hand over the water, _but I pray you will be wise enough that whatever secrets you keep do not become a wall between us._


End file.
